Sometimes it sucks to be me....

Pity Party for one... Your table is ready....

Ok, it's been a really crappy day. So, please forgive me as I indulge in a few moments of a pity party. Sometimes it just sucks to be me. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. And though I'd change a few things about it, I'm happy with it as a whole.

And what is the reason for me to be so maudlin today you might ask? Well...it's Valentine's day, there was another pot luck lunch at work, it's snowing again, and while I'm feeling much better than yesterday, I still don't feel well. Oh the horror! Who knows, maybe I'm just hormonal. None of those events that I just listed could cause the end of the world.

It's just that once again, I don't have a Valentine's Day sweetie. Which of course is my own fault. I just haven't met the right guy yet. I could be dating someone, but chose not to because I didn't see him as a potential boyfriend as much as I saw him as a boy who is my friend. It was harder than I thought it would be to sit there and watch as most of my co-workers had flowers or treats delivered to them at work today. Knowing all the while that if I wanted something like that, I was going to have to buy it for myself. (And then again knowing that I'd most likely wait until the day after Valentine's Day when everything goes on sale.)

Then there was the stupid potluck. As I've posted before, I have several food allergies and have to be careful of everything that I might even consider eating. Usually at potlucks I am forced to bring something for everyone else to enjoy and also my own lunch that I know won't kill me. Thankfully, my co-workers understand my situation and try to bring at least one thing that I can eat. So while everyone was enjoying their bbq meatballs, pizza, chicken casserole, and cheesy potatoes with cupcakes, chocolates, and brownies for dessert, I sat there eating broccoli salad, a few grapes, orange slices, and a few deviled eggs. I'm so sick of my "special needs" diet. I'd almost kill for a piece of bread that's not so dense it could be used as a door stop. And soy nut butter doesn't come close to real peanut butter or carob isn't like real chocolate. It's been 10 years since I've really enjoyed eating anything.

It's snowing again! We're supposed to get 2-4 more inches tonight with more coming on the weekend. I'm petrified of driving on snow and ice! So, each commute brings teeth grinding, white knucled, migraine inducing stress. I know how I'm going to respond and how my car is going to respond on the roads, but the fact that I don't trust anyone else on the road terrifies me. Then there's the fact that once again, I'm going to have to dig my car out. I didn't put my windsheild cover on after I got home today because I was just ready for the day to be over and now I'm going to have to deal with an icy snow covered window at the crack o dawn tomorrow morning and its all my fault. And to make it all the more fun, one of my windshield wipers got broken this winter and scrapes like fingernails on a chalk board each time I turn them on and only clears half of the windshield. (Screech... screech...)

And finally, I feel like crap again. As I said before, I'm feeling much better than yesterday. But sick to death of being sick. Or knowing that if I screw up somehow and get something that I'm allergic to that I'm going to be miserable. If you haven't read before, I have Celiac Disease. (The same thing former NHL player/current broadcaster Mickey Redmond has and Joe C. who toured with Kid Rock died from.) It's like having a "sword of Damocles" over your head at all times. One screw up and you suffer. A damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. But honestly, since I've been diagnosed and on the gluten free diet; I've never been healthier. It's just the constant living in fear that you might get something with gluten in it that wears on you. Then I feel guilty because other than being inconvienenced with having a special diet to follow, I'm not dying. There are others who are far worse off than I am.

Like I said before, none of the things I just wrote about is really that life threatening. It's just that they all happened on the same day and they all happened to me. And like I always say, the world doesn't stop just because I'm having a bad day. I'll eventually find something good about today. (Right now it's looking like the good thing for today is that tomorrow is Friday.) I'll go do my exercises, take a relaxing candle lit bubble bath and reflect that while it does sometimes suck to be me, I wouldn't trade my life for anything else. I have a family who loves me unconditionally, good friends, and a good job. Tomorrow is another day that is filled with new and exciting possibilities. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll meet my prince charming; or win a trip to Club Med....

Thanks for being a shoulder to cry on. Happy Valentine's Day!

-Reffie